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Science Jokes at humjayega.tk
 

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.

The bartender promptly serves up a beer.

"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.

"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"


Two atoms were walking down the street. One turns to the other and says,

"Oh, no! I think I'm an ion!"

The other responds, "Are you sure?!?"

"Yes, I'm positive!"


Ivan Ivanovich, great russian Scientist does an experiment. He wants to know how fast a thermometer falls down. He takes a thermometer and a light, a candle light. He drops both from the 3rd floor and recognices that they are reaching the ground at the same time. Ivan Ivanovich, great russian scientific writes in his book: A theomometer falls with the speed of light.


Newton sat in an orchard, and an apple, plumping down on his head, started  a train of thought which opened the heavens to us. Had it been in California, the size of the apples there would have saved him the trouble of much thinking thereafter, perhaps, opening the heavens to him, and not to us.


"One thing they don't tell you about doing experimental physics is that sometimes you must work under adverse conditions ... like a state of sheer terror." -- W. K. Hartmann


Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

A: "You may have graduated but I've got many degrees"


Albert Einstein married his cousin. He had tried to date outside his family circle, but he never found any women appealing - especially in the boob department - that weren't within his familial group. He postulated that there is a special attraction to women in one's own family in his Theory of Relative Titty.


Q:What do you call a nun who's had a sex change?

A:A Trans-sister


A Simpleton's Guide to Science

Relativity : Family get-togethers at Christmas

Gravity : Strength of a glass of beer

Time travel : Throwing the alarm clock at the wall

Black holes : What you get in black socks

Critical mass: A gaggle of film reviewers

Hyperspace : Where you park at the superstore


Q:What is horsepower?

A:The power it takes to drag a horse a given distance in a given amount of time.


Recently, while stopped at a traffic light in the suburbs of Boston with an out-of-state friend, a police car pulled up next to us.

 On the side was written in large letters: "NEWTON POLICE."

 My friend's immediate response was, "I wonder what they do.  Enforce the Law of Gravity, maybe?"

 oldbear@arctos.com


Newton's Third law (Modern)

For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.


I can travel through time and I do ... at the unremarkable rate of one second per second.


Q: How does Einstein begin a story?

A: Once upon a space-time......


Q: How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

 1). Ten! One to change the bulb, and nine to argue how their own bulb gives better colour.

 2). None! Astronomers aren't afraid of the dark.


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