| Science Jokes at humjayega.tk |
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A neutron walks into a bar.
"I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves
up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks
the neutron.
"For you?" replies the
bartender, "no charge" |
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Two atoms were walking down the
street. One turns to the other and says,
"Oh, no! I think I'm an ion!"
The other responds, "Are you
sure?!?"
"Yes, I'm positive!" |
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Ivan Ivanovich,
great russian Scientist does an experiment. He wants
to know how fast a thermometer falls down. He takes
a thermometer and a light, a candle light. He drops
both from the 3rd floor and recognices that they are
reaching the ground at the same time. Ivan Ivanovich,
great russian scientific writes in his book: A
theomometer falls with the speed of light. |
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Newton sat in
an orchard, and an apple, plumping down on his head,
started a train of thought which opened the
heavens to us. Had it been in California, the size
of the apples there would have saved him the trouble
of much thinking thereafter, perhaps, opening the
heavens to him, and not to us. |
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"One thing they
don't tell you about doing experimental physics is
that sometimes you must work under adverse
conditions ... like a state of
sheer terror." -- W. K. Hartmann |
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Q: What did the thermometer say
to the graduated cylinder?
A: "You may have graduated but
I've got many degrees" |
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Albert Einstein
married his cousin. He had tried to date outside his
family circle, but he never found any women
appealing - especially in the boob department - that
weren't within his familial group. He postulated
that there is a special attraction to women in one's
own family in his Theory of Relative Titty. |
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Q:What do you call a nun who's
had a sex change?
A:A Trans-sister |
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A Simpleton's Guide to Science
Relativity : Family
get-togethers at Christmas
Gravity : Strength of a glass
of beer
Time travel : Throwing the
alarm clock at the wall
Black holes : What you get in
black socks
Critical mass: A gaggle of film
reviewers
Hyperspace : Where you park at
the superstore |
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Q:What is horsepower?
A:The power it takes to drag a
horse a given distance in a given amount of time. |
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Recently, while stopped at a
traffic light in the suburbs of Boston with an
out-of-state friend, a police car pulled up next to
us.
On the side was written in
large letters: "NEWTON POLICE."
My friend's immediate response
was, "I wonder what they do. Enforce the Law of
Gravity, maybe?"
oldbear@arctos.com |
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| Newton's Third law (Modern)
For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite
revengeance. |
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I can travel through time and I
do ... at the unremarkable rate of one second per
second. |
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Q: How does Einstein begin a
story?
A: Once upon a space-time...... |
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Q: How many astronomers does it
take to change a light bulb?
1). Ten! One to change the
bulb, and nine to argue how their own bulb gives
better colour.
2). None! Astronomers aren't
afraid of the dark. |
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