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 Miscellaneous Jokes Page #1 (01-08)
In this section we have mentioned all the jokes that weren't fit to any other category presented...

Clever Nepali Guy

A Nepali guy, an Indian guy, a beautiful girl and an old woman are sitting in a train. The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there was a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The old woman, beautiful girl and the Indian guy are sitting there looking perplexed. The Indian guy is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. The old woman is thinking: That Indian guy must have tried to kiss that girl and got slapped. The Indian guy is thinking: "Damn it, that Nepali guy must have tried to kiss the beautiful girl, she thought it was me and slapped me instead." The beautiful girl is thinking: "That Indian guy must have moved to kiss me, but kissed the old lady instead and got slapped." The Nepali guy is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Indian guy again."

Hitler and the guilty officer

Adolph Hitler was conducting a General Staff meeting, when somebody sneezed. “Who was that!?” shouted Hitler, whirling around from a wall map of Europe. Nobody said anything.

“I see, ”he said, “I will have 10 of you shot. And maybe then you will tell me who sneezed?” A Gestapo agent took 10 people out of the room. Shots were heard, then silence.

“I will ask again, “yelled Hitler, “who sneezed?’” Again, no body said anything. “Very vell, ”he said, “I will have another 10 of you shot!”.

The Gestapo agent escorted 10 more people out of the room and executed them. “For the very last time, “screamed Hitler, “Who sneezed?”

Finally the guilty officer could stand no more. He stood up and said, ”It was me, I am the one who sneezed.”

Hitler slowly approached the shaking officer and said. ”Bless you.”

Blind man and the dog

A blind man was out walking with his seeing eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man's leg. Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog's head.

Having watched what happened, a passerby said, "Say, why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!"

"I know," said the blind man, "but I gotta find his head before I can kick his butt."

Poor Guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

A hundred prostitutes in Washington D.C. were asked if they would ever sleep with President Clinton.

60% said, "Never again!"

Helping little boy

A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boy's position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the childs level, the man smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

The boy replies, "Now we run!"

Don't Look at anything in a physics Lab.
Don't Taste anything in a chemistry Lab.
Don't Smell anything in a biology Lab.
Don't Touch anything in a medical Lab.

Don't listen to anything in a philosophy department

Allare and the cockroach

Allare was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He was in search of a subject on which no one did any research before!
As he was thinking over it, he found a cockroach on the table in front of him. He decided instantly to do a research on the roach.
He picked the roach and put it in the center of the table and said: "Run". The roach ran.
He pulled out one leg of the roach, put it again in the center of the table and said: "Run". The roach ran.
He pulled one more leg of the roach, put it again in the center of the table and said: "Run". The roach ran. This way the roach tried to run even when it had just one leg.
He pulled last leg of the roach, put it again in the center of the table and said: "Run". The roach could not!
Our Professor Allare was satisfied with his study and started writing his thesis: "When you pull out all the legs of a roach, it cannot hear anymore".

3 chimpanzees escaped from the zoo...........1 was caught watching TV .............. another playing football and the third one ...............reading this.


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