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Men Women Jokes Page 1
 

At...

At 18 a lady is a football, 22 men after her.
At 28 a lady is a Basketball, 10 men after her.
At 38 a lady is a Golf ball, 1 man after her.
At 48 a lady is a TT ball, 1 man pushing her to the other.


The $10 Million Reason to get Married

After weeks of getting the cold shoulder from his wife, an unhappy husband finally confronted her.

"Admit it, Linda," he said, "The only reason you married me is because my grandfather left me $10 million."

"Don't be ridiculous!" she shot back. "I don't care who left it to you."


The Divorced Barbie

Ralph is driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present.

He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"

In a condescending manner, she asks, "Which Barbie?"

She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."

Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"

"That's obvious," the sales lady replies. "The Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, and Ken's furniture."


Female Comebacks

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.


How to Impress a Woman

Compliment her,respect her,
honor her, cuddle her,
kiss her,caress her,
love her,stroke her,
tease her,comfort her,
protect her,hug her,
hold her,spend money on her,
wine and dine her, buy things for her,
listen to her,care for her, stand by her,
support her,hold her,

go to the ends of the Earth for her.

How to Impress a Man

Show up naked.
Bring food.


 

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