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Math Jokes Page 2 (14-33)

Quotes from math students and lecturers 

"This is a one line proof...if we start sufficiently far to the left." 

"The problems for the exam will be similar to the discussed in the class. Of course, the numbers will be different. But not all of them. Pi will still be 3.14159... " 

"Now we'll prove the theorem. In fact I'll prove it all by myself."

"Do you love your math more than me?"
"Of course not, dear - I love you much more."
"Then prove it!"
"OK... Let R be the set of all lovable objects..."

A graduate student of mathematics who used to come to the University on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle. "Where did you get the bike from?" his friends asked. "It's a `thank you' present", he explains, "from that freshman girl I've been tutoring. Yesterday she called me and told that she had passed her math final and wanted to drop by to thank me in person. She arrived at my place on her bicycle. When I had let her in, she took all her clothes off, smiled at me, and said: `You can get from me whatever you desire!'" One of his friends remarks: "You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle." "Yeah", another friend adds, "just imagine how silly you would have looked in a girl's clothes - and they wouldn't have fit you anyway!"

The highest moments in the life of a mathematician are the first few moments after one has proved the result, but before one finds the mistake.

Q: What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber.
  A: You can't cross a vector with a scalar.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a banana?
A: | elephant | * | banana | * sin(theta) 

Q: What does the zero say to the the eight?
A: Nice belt!

Life is complex: it has both real and imaginary components.

Q: What is the area of a circle?
A: pi R^2?
R: Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square. 

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Mathematician : It cannot be proved whether the chicken crossed the road.

In the Garden of Eden, God is giving Adam a
geometry lesson: "Two parallel lines intersect at infinity. It can't be proved but I've been there."

Theorem: a cat has nine tails.
Proof: No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat Therefore, a cat has nine tails.

"She was only the statistician's daughter, but she knew all the standard deviations."

There was this statistics student who, when driving his car, would always accelerate hard before coming to any junction, whizz straight over it , then slow down again once he'd got over it. One day, he took a passenger, who was understandably unnerved by his driving style, and asked him why he went so fast over junctions. The statistics student replied, "Well, statistically speaking, you are far more likely to have an accident at a junction, so I just make sure that I spend less time there."

There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up, and the kind you make up.

A mathematician is showing a new proof he came up with to a large group of peers. After he's gone through most of it, one of the mathematicians says, "Wait! That's not true. I have a counter-example!"

He replies, "That's okay. I have two proofs."

My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes obtuse, but always, he was right.

What is the difference between an applied mathematician and a pure mathematician?

Suppose a mathematician parks his car, locks it with his key and walks away. After walking about 50 yards the mathematician realizes that he has dropped his key somewhere along the way. What does he do? If he is an applied mathematician he walks back to the car along the path he has previously traveled looking for his key. If he is a pure mathematician he walks to the other end of the parking lot where there is better light and looks for his key there.

A mathematician was in a habit of making a cup of tea when working late at night. His normal method was to get the teapot from the cupboard, take the teapot to the sink, add water, heat to boiling, then make the cup of tea. Unfortunately, one night when he went to make tea, the teapot was already full of water and sitting on the stove. He thought about this for several minutes, then emptied the teapot and put it back in the cupboard, thereby reducing this to a previously solved problem.

Mathematical Poem

((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0

Didn't Understand?.................Answer is in next page.

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