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Math Jokes Page 2 (14-33) |
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Quotes from math students and
lecturers
"This is a one line
proof...if we start sufficiently far to the left."
"The problems for the
exam will be similar to the discussed in the class.
Of course, the numbers will be different. But not
all of them. Pi will still be 3.14159... "
"Now we'll prove the
theorem. In fact I'll prove it all by myself." |
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"Do you love your
math more than me?"
"Of course not, dear - I love you much more."
"Then prove it!"
"OK... Let R be the set of all lovable
objects..." |
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| A graduate student
of mathematics who used to come to the University on
foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new
bicycle. "Where did you get the bike from?" his
friends asked. "It's a `thank you' present", he
explains, "from that freshman girl I've been
tutoring. Yesterday she called me and told that she
had passed her math final and wanted to drop by to
thank me in person. She arrived at my place on her
bicycle. When I had let her in, she took all her
clothes off, smiled at me, and said: `You can get
from me whatever you desire!'" One of his friends
remarks: "You made a really smart choice when you
took the bicycle." "Yeah", another friend adds,
"just imagine how silly you would have looked in a
girl's clothes - and they wouldn't have fit you
anyway!" |
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| The highest moments
in the life of a mathematician are the first few
moments after one has proved the result, but before
one finds the mistake. |
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Q: What do you get
if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber.
A: You can't cross a vector with a scalar. |
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Q: What do you get
when you cross an elephant and a banana?
A: | elephant | * | banana | * sin(theta) |
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Q: What does the
zero say to the the eight?
A: Nice belt! |
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| Life is complex: it
has both real and imaginary components. |
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Q: What is the area
of a circle?
A: pi R^2?
R: Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are
square.
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Q: Why did the
chicken cross the road?
Mathematician : It cannot be proved whether the
chicken crossed the road. |
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In the Garden of
Eden, God is giving Adam a
geometry lesson: "Two parallel lines intersect at
infinity. It can't be proved but I've been there." |
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Theorem: a cat has
nine tails.
Proof: No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail
more than no cat Therefore, a cat has nine tails. |
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| "She was only the statistician's daughter, but she
knew all the standard deviations." |
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There was this statistics student
who, when driving his car, would always accelerate
hard before coming to any junction, whizz straight
over it , then slow down again once he'd got over
it. One day, he took a passenger, who was
understandably unnerved by his driving style, and
asked him why he went so fast over junctions. The
statistics student replied, "Well, statistically
speaking, you are far more likely to have an
accident at a junction, so I just make sure that I
spend less time there." |
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| There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you
look up, and the kind you make up. |
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A mathematician is showing a new
proof he came up with to a large group of peers.
After he's gone through most of it, one of the
mathematicians says, "Wait! That's not true. I have
a counter-example!"
He replies, "That's okay. I have two proofs." |
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| My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and
sometimes obtuse, but always, he was right. |
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What is the difference between an
applied mathematician and a pure mathematician?
Suppose a mathematician parks his car, locks it with
his key and walks away. After walking about 50 yards
the mathematician realizes that he has dropped his
key somewhere along the way. What does he do? If he
is an applied mathematician he walks back to the car
along the path he has previously traveled looking
for his key. If he is a pure mathematician he walks
to the other end of the parking lot where there is
better light and looks for his key there. |
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A mathematician was in a habit of making a cup of
tea when working late at night. His normal method
was to get the teapot from the cupboard, take the
teapot to the sink, add water, heat to boiling, then
make the cup of tea. Unfortunately, one night when
he went to make tea, the teapot was already full of
water and sitting on the stove. He thought about
this for several minutes, then emptied the teapot
and put it back in the cupboard, thereby reducing
this to a previously solved problem. |
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Mathematical Poem
((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 *
4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0
Didn't Understand?.................Answer is in
next page. |
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