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| Little Jokes Page#1
(01-05) |
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Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his
mother approached she heard:
"One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four."
"Three and three... "
His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned
this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that
his teacher Ms. Margo taught him.
His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the
homework. The next day she stormed into Little
Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little
Johnny's mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny's
different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms.
Margo taught it that way to the class.
The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she
couldn't understand why Little Johnny had said what
he did. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh, I
know, here in school we say, one and one, the
sum-of-which is two." |
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| Animal
One day the teacher decides to
play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a
giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one
raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long
neck? What animal has a long neck?" Sally holds up
her hand and asks if it is a giraffe.
"Very good Sally," the teacher replies. Next she
holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students
holds up his/her hands. "See the stripes on this
animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his
hand and says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the
teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of
the students recognized the animal. "See the big
antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like
this?" Still no one guesses. "Let me give you
another hint, it's something your mother calls your
father."
Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny
bastard !!!" |
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| I like your thinking
In
the first grade class, the teacher has brought in a
bowl of fruit, and is asking the class to guess
which ones she is describing. First, she says,
“Alright… this one is round, has hair on it, and has
sweet juice inside.” Johnny raises his hand, but the
teacher (with a full record of his long history of
inappropriate comments) ignores him, calling on
Suzie, who answers, “A peach.” The teacher says,
“No, it’s a kiwi, but I like your thinking.” Then,
she says, “Okay, this next one is long, hard, and it
feels good in your mouth.” Johnny raises his hands,
and is ignored—again, Suzie is picked to answer. She
says, “A banana.” The teacher replies, “No, it was a
cucumber, but I like your thinking.” At this point,
Johnny stands up, puts his hand in his pocket, and
says, “Teacher, I have one for you. It’s something
I’ve got in my pocket. It’s round, hard, and it has
a head on it.” The teacher says, “That’s
disgusting!” Johnny replies, “No, it’s a quarter,
but I like your thinking.” |
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First In Heaven
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this
particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class
which part of the body went to heaven first.
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think
your mind goes to heaven first because you have to
have a mind in order to believe in God."
The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy
raises his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes
to heaven first because God is all about love."
"Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up
and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no," she
thought, "I'm not gonna like this". "Little Johnny,
which part of the body do you think goes to heaven
first?". Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says,
"Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought
your feet go to heaven first.
He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents'
bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the
air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!', but
fortunately Dad was on top of her holding her down." |
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Etiquette Lesson
During a good manners and etiquette class being held
for young children, the teacher says to her
students:
"If you were courting a well educated young girl
from a prominent family and during a dinner for two
you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say
to her?"
Mike replies: "Wait a minute, I'm going for a piss."
The teacher says: "That would be very rude and
improper on your part."
Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the
toilet, I'll be back in a minute."
The teacher says: "That's much better but to mention
the word ''toilet'' during a meal, is unpleasant."
And Little Johnny says: "My dear, please excuse me
for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a
personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to
introduce to you after dinner. " |
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