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Jokes on this page are either told by Hum Jayega himself or are found people telling them using Hum Jayega's name...
Hum Jayega's Jokes Page #2 (11-19)

Hum Jayega goes hunting.

HUM JAYEGA and one of his friends are out in the woods for hunting when his friend falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. HUM JAYEGA starts to panic, then he whips out his cell phone and calls 911.He frantically blurts out to the operator, "O my god! Help! My friend just died. He's Dead! What can I do?"

The operator, trying to calm him says, "Take it easy. I can help. Just listen to me and follow my instructions. First, lets make sure he's dead." There's a short pause, and then the operator hears a loud gun shot!!!

HUM JAYEGA comes back on the line and says, "OK, now what?"

Hum Jayega and the annoying kid


One day while Hum Jayega was driving a bus, a small kid boarded his bus and sat beside him. The kid started talking with himself.

He said: If my dad was a elephant and my mom was a female elephant, I would have been a baby elephant.

Again he said: I f my dad was a horse and my mother a female horse, I would have been a baby horse.

The kid went on blurting when annoyed Hum Jayega asked:

What would you have been if your father was a drunkard and your mother a prostitute?

The kid replied: A bus driver!

Hum Jayega's Favorite Flower:


Once  Hum Jayega and his two friends were sitting together. An Englishman came up and asked, hey guys, what is your favourite flowers?

One of the Hum Jayega's friend replied ,'Lotus'
'Ha, I clean my shit with that!' the Englishman jeered

The friend got angry.

Another friend replied: 'Jasmine'
'Ha I clean my shit with that!' The Englishman response

He also got angry.

The Englishman asked Hum Jayega, 'And what is your favourite flower?'

Hum Jayega replied: 'Cactus! Now clean your ass with that! "

Dad and son:


When Hum Jayega's son couldn't memorize his lesson:

Hum Jayega: Have you seen an ass?

Son: Yes, Dad!

Hum Jayega: How about an owl?

Son: That too Dad!

Hum Jayega: Yes, you look just like them.

Son: But dad, mum says I look exactly like you.

Lawyer and the phone:

 A newly certified lawyer had just set up an office and was sitting in his office when he saw a man entering his room. Taking him as client the lawyer immediately picked up the phone and said: "Yes Balbir, Tell Chadra Sir that we won both of the cases."

The lawyer asked then asked the man, "Can I help you?"

The man hesitatingly replied: "I am here to connect your telephone."

 30000 kms

Hum Jayega wanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than 100,000 kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the mileage meter reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective customer that it has been used sparingly.Hum Jayega liked the idea. A few weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to dispose off his car.Hum Jayega replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which has done only 30000 kms!


Hum Jayega and a man were sitting outside a clinic. The man was crying like anything. So Hum Jayega asked, "Why are you crying?" The man replied, "I came here for blood test" Hum Jayega asked," So? Are you afraid?" The man replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger" Hearing this Hum Jayega started crying. The man was astonished and asked Hum Jayega, "Why are you crying?" Hum Jayega replied, "I have come for my urine test."

Crocodile boots

Hum Jayega proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"

Where does God Live?


Once the teacher was teaching moral science. He asked Hum Jayega's son," Kid do you know where god lives?"

Hum Jayega's son replied, "He lives in our bathroom."

Dismayed the teacher asked," What makes you say that?"

Student replied: "Because every morning my father bangs the bathroom door and shouts "Oh my god you are still there."


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