Jokes on this page are either told by Hum Jayega
himself or are found people telling them using Hum
Jayega's Jokes Page #2
Hum Jayega goes hunting.
HUM JAYEGA and
one of his friends are out in the woods for hunting when his friend falls to the
ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his
head. HUM JAYEGA starts to panic, then he whips out his cell phone and calls
911.He frantically blurts out to the operator, "O my god! Help! My friend just
died. He's Dead! What can I do?"
trying to calm him says, "Take it easy. I can help. Just listen to me and follow
my instructions. First, lets make sure he's dead." There's a short pause, and
then the operator hears a loud gun shot!!!
HUM JAYEGA comes back on the line and says, "OK, now what?"
Hum Jayega and the annoying kid
One day while Hum Jayega was driving
a bus, a small kid boarded his bus and sat beside him. The kid started talking
He said: If my dad was a elephant
and my mom was a female elephant, I would have been a baby elephant.
Again he said: I f my dad was a
horse and my mother a female horse, I would have been a baby horse.
The kid went on blurting when
annoyed Hum Jayega asked:
What would you have been if your
father was a drunkard and your mother a prostitute?
The kid replied: A bus driver!
Hum Jayega's Favorite Flower:
Once Hum Jayega and his two
friends were sitting together. An Englishman came up and asked, hey guys, what is
your favourite flowers?
One of the Hum Jayega's friend replied ,'Lotus'
'Ha, I clean my shit with that!' the Englishman jeered
The friend got angry.
Another friend replied: 'Jasmine'
'Ha I clean my shit with that!' The Englishman response
He also got angry.
The Englishman asked Hum Jayega, 'And what is your favourite flower?'
Hum Jayega replied: 'Cactus! Now
clean your ass with that! "
Dad and son:
When Hum Jayega's son couldn't
memorize his lesson:
Hum Jayega: Have you seen an ass?
Son: Yes, Dad!
Hum Jayega: How about an owl?
Son: That too Dad!
Hum Jayega: Yes, you look just like
Son: But dad, mum says I look
exactly like you.
Lawyer and the phone:
A newly certified lawyer had
just set up an office and was sitting in his office when he saw a man entering
his room. Taking him as client the lawyer immediately picked up the phone and
said: "Yes Balbir, Tell Chadra Sir that we won both of the cases."
The lawyer asked then asked the
man, "Can I help you?"
The man hesitatingly replied: "I
am here to connect your telephone."
Hum Jayega wanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which
had done more than
100,000 kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he
approached his friend to
help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have
the mileage meter
reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell
customer that it has been used sparingly.Hum Jayega liked
the idea. A few
weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether
he was able to
dispose off his car.Hum Jayega replied, "Are you
mad? Who sells a car which
has done only 30000 kms!
Hum Jayega and a man were sitting outside a clinic. The
man was crying like anything. So Hum Jayega asked, "Why are you crying?" The man
replied, "I came here for blood test" Hum Jayega asked," So? Are you afraid?"
The man replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger"
Hearing this Hum Jayega started crying. The man was astonished and asked Hum
Jayega, "Why are you crying?" Hum Jayega
replied, "I have come for my
Hum Jayega proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring
me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears.
Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles
and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks
its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"
Where does God Live?
Once the teacher was teaching moral
science. He asked Hum Jayega's son," Kid do you know where god lives?"
Hum Jayega's son replied, "He lives
in our bathroom."
Dismayed the teacher asked," What
makes you say that?"
Student replied: "Because every
morning my father bangs the bathroom door and shouts "Oh my god you are still