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We have these
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| Jokes related to
the medical profession |
| Doctor Jokes page
#1 (01-08) |
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Bad news for the arttist
An artist asked the
gallery owner if there had been any interest in his
paintings currently on display. "I've got good news
and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is
that a gentleman inquired about your work and
wondered if it would appreciate in value after your
death. When I told him it would, he bought all
fifteen of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's
the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner
replied, "The guy was your doctor." |
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All Blinds Closed
The patient awakened after the operation to find
herself in a room with all the blinds drawn. "Why
are all the blinds closed?" she asked her doctor.
"Well," the surgeon responded, "They're fighting a
huge fire across the street, and we didn't want you
to wake up and think the operation had failed."
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Things You Don't Want To Hear During
a Surgery
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Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then
what's that?
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- Hand me that... uh... whatever
it's called !
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- Oh no! I just lost my watch.
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- "Accept this sacrifice, O Great
Lord of Darkness"
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- Bo! Bo! Come back with that!
Bad Dog!
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- Better save that. We'll need it
for the autopsy.
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- Oops! Hey, has anyone ever
survived 500 ml of this stuff before?
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- There go the lights again...
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- Ya' know... there's big money
in kidneys... and this guy's got two of 'em.
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- Everybody stand back! I lost my
contact lens!
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- Could you stop that thing from
beating? It's throwing my concentration off.
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- What's this doing here?
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- I hate it when they're missing
stuff in here.
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- That's cool! Now can you make
his leg twitch?!
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- Well folks, this will be an
experiment for all of us.
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-You sure it wasn't this leg?
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- OK, now take a picture from
this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
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- Are his relatives waiting
outside?
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- Nurse, did this patient sign
the organ donation card?
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- Don't worry. I think it is
sharp enough.
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- What do you mean, "You want a
divorce"!
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- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
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- This scissor looks rusted.
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- Rats! Page 47 of the manual is
missing!
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- Isn't this the one with the
really lousy insurance?
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- Now from where did this spider
come in from.
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Picket Signs!
"Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have
gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will
find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as
they can get a pharmacist over there to read the
picket signs!" |
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First Child !
A man
speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is
pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes
apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her
husband!" |
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Done anything yet?
"Doctor,
please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade."
"Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done
anything yet ?"
"Yea, I shaved with the electric razor." |
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Bad and very bad news
Doctor:
I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news
first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They
said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be
WORSE? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since
yesterday. |
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HUM JAYEGA GOES TO THE DOCTOR
HUM
JAYEGA walks into a doctor's office and tells the
doctor he's broken every single bone in his body.
"That's impossible!" says the doctor. HUM JAYEGA
says, "No, it's really true. Look!" He then touches
his leg with her index finger and screams "Ouch!"
Then he touches his arm and yells "Eeeeoooow!"
Finally he touches his ribs and can barely maintain
his composure as the tears start to roll down his
face. He says, "See, I told you I broke every bone
in my body." The doctor rubs his chin, then conducts
a thorough examination. "Well, Sir," he tells HUM
JAYEGA, "I've got some good news and some bad news.
The good news is, you haven't broken every bone in
your body. The bad news is, you've broken your
finger." |
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