-
Accountant -
someone who solves a problem you didn't know you
had in a way you don't understand.
-
Ambassador : An
honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of
his country.
-
Anonymous : The
worlds most popular author.
-
Antique: an item
your grandparents bought, your parents got rid
of, and you're buying again.
-
Appendix -a
portion of a book, for which nobody yet has
discovered any use.
-
Baby
: A loud voice at
one end and no sense of responsibility at the
other.
-
Baby-sitter: a
teenager who must behave like an adult so that
the adults who are out can behave like
teenagers.
-
Bank - a
place that will lend you money if you can prove
you don't need it.
-
Beauty
: The power with which a woman charms a lover
and terrifies a husband.
-
Boss: A
person who comes early to see who comes late.
-
Bus: A
vehicle that runs faster when you run after it
and runs slowly when you are inside it.
-
Capital Punishment:
Killing people who kill people to prove that
killing people is wrong.
-
Cheque
Book: A book with unhappy ending.
-
Chickens: the
only animals you eat before they are born and
after they are dead.
-
College: the
four year period when parents are permitted
access to the telephone.
-
Conference:
the confusion of one man multiplied by the
number present.
-
Conference: A
meeting of bored people.
-
Criminal: A
guy no different from the rest of us except that
he got caught.
-
Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and
sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
-
Conclusion : What
you reach when you're tired of thinking.
-
Conscience: the
thing which hurts when everything else feels
good.
-
Consciousness:
the annoying time between naps.
-
Creator: a
comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.
-
Cynic:
a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around
for a coffin.
-
Diet
: a brief period of starvation followed by a
gain of five pounds.
-
Diplomacy : The
art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can
find a rock.
-
Diplomat: a
person who tells you to go to hell in such a way
that you actually look forward for the trip.
-
Divorce:
future tense of marriage.
-
Divorce lawyer: a
lawyer whose primary responsibility is to make
sure you get half and he gets the other half.
-
Doctor:
a person who kills your ills by pills, and kills
you with his bills.
-
Earth: A
small planet with major problems.
-
Education : is
the ability to listen to almost anything without
losing your temper or your self-confidence.
-
Etc.: a sign
to make others believe that you know more than
you actually do.
-
Exam: Where
foolish asks questions which wise cannot answer.
-
Experience :
the name men give to their mistakes.
-
Father: a
banker provided by the nature.
-
Fiction: the
story told by a completed income tax form.
-
Foreign Aid: The
transfer of money from poor people in rich
countries to rich people in poor countries
-
Group discussion:
a place where everybody talks, nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on.
-
Justice : A
decision in your favor.
-
Keyboard: the
standard way to generate computer errors.
-
Kitchen:
Final laboratory of women.
-
Laziness: the
habit of resting before you get tired.
-
Life:
a sexually transmitted disease with 100%
fatality rate.
-
Love:
Temporary insanity curable by marriage.
-
Miser:
a person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
-
Mosquito: an
insect that makes you like flies better.
-
Old Age: When
you wink at a girl and she says, “Anything wrong
with your eyes, Uncle?”
-
Optimist: 1) A
person who, while falling from Eiffel tower,
says in midway "see, I am not injured yet."
2)Unborn pessimist
-
Patriotism: the
willingness to kill and be killed for trivial
reasons dreamed up by politicians.
