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Ramayana by Bill
Gates...
If Bill Gates
would have to write Ramayana then he might have
written it as below:
LAN, LAN ago, in the SYSTEM of I/O-dhya, there ruled
a PROCESSOR named DOS-rat. Once he EXECUTED a great
sacrifice PROGRAM after which his queens gave an
OUTPUT of four SUNs-- RAM, LSIman,BUG-rat and
SED-rughana.
RAM the eldest was a MICROCHIP with excellent
MEMORY. His brothers, however, were only PERIPHERAL
ICs. Once when RAM was only 16MB, he married
princess 'C'ta. 12 years passed and DOS-rat decided
to INSTALL RAM as his successor.
However, Queen CIE/CAE(Kayegayee), who was once
offered a boon by DOS-rat for a lifesaving HELP
COMMAND, took this opportunity at the instigation of
her BIOSed maid (a real plotter), and insisted that
her son Bug-rat be INSTALLED and that RAM be
CUT-N-PASTED to the forest for 14 years.
At this cruel and unexpected demand, a SURGE passed
through DOS-rat and he collapsed, power-less. RAM
agreed to LOG INTO forest and 'C'ta insisted to
LOGIN with him. LSI-man also resolved on LOGGING IN
with his brother.
The forest was the dwelling of SPARCnakha, the TRAN-SISTOR
of RAW-van, PROCESSOR of LAN-ka. Attracted by RAM's
stature, she proposed that he marry her. RAM,
politely declined. Perceiving 'C'ta to be the SOURCE
CODE of her
distress, she hastened to kill her.
Weeping, SPARC-nakha fled to LAN-ka, where RAW-van,
moved by TRAN-SISTOR's plight, approached his uncle
MAR-icha. MAR-icha REPROGRAMED himself into the form
of a golden stag and drew RAM deep into the forest.
Finally, tired of chase, RAM shot the deer, who,
with his last breath, cried out resperately for
LSI-man in RAM's voice. Fooled by this VIRTUAL RAM
SOUND, C'ta urged LSI-man to his brother's aid.
Catching the opportunity, RAW-van DELINKED 'C'ta
from her LIBRARY and changed her ROOT DIRECTORY to
LAN-ka |
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| Interval |
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RAM
and LSI-man started SEARCHING for the missing 'C'ta
all over the forest. They made friendship with the
forest SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR SU-greev and his
powerful co-processor Ha-NEUMAN. SU-greev agreed to
help RAM.SU-greev ordered his PROGRAMMERS to use
powerful 'SEARCH' techniques to FIND the missing 'C'ta.
His ROGRAMMERS SEARCHED all around the INTER-NETworked
forests. Many tried to 'EXCITE' the birds and
animals not to forget the 'WEBCRAWLERS' (Insects)
and tried to 'INFO SEEK' something about 'C'ta. Some
of them even shouted 'YA-HOO' but they all ended up
with 'NOT FOUND MESSAGES'. Several other SEARCH
techniques proved useless.Ha-NEUMAN devised a RISKy
TECHNOLOGY and used it to cross the seas at
anastonishing CLOCK SPEED. Soon Ha-NEUMAN DOWNLOADED
himself intoLAN-ka.After doing some local SEARCH,
Ha-NEUMAN found 'C'ta weeping under a TREE
STRUCTURE. Ha-NEUMAN used a LOGIN ID (ring) to
identify himself to 'C'ta.After DECRYPTING THE KEY,
'C'ta believed in him and asked him to send a 'STATUS_OK'
MESSAGE to RAM. Meanwhile all the raakshasa BUGS
around 'C'ta carptured Ha-NEUMAN and tried to DELETE
him using pyro-techniques. But Ha-NEUMAN managed to
spread chaos by spreading the VIRUS 'Fire'.Ha-NEUMAN
happily pressed ESCAPE from LAN-ka and conveyed all
the STATUS MESSAGES toRAM and SU-greev. RAW-wan
decided to take the all powerful RAM head-on and
prepared for the battle.One of the RAW-wan'sSUN(son)
almost DELETED RAM & LSI-man with a powerful
brahma-astra. But Ha-NEUMAN resorted to some
ACTIVE-X gradients and REFORMATTED RAM and LSI-man.
RAM used the SOURCE CODE secrets of RAW-wan and once
for all wiped out RAW-wan's presense on earth. After
the battle, RAM got INSTALLED in I/O-dhya and
spreaded his MICROSOFT WORKS and other USER FRIENDLY
PROGRAMS to all USERS and every one lived happily
ever after. |
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| Bill Gate Goes To
Heaven |
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Bill Gates died in a car accident.
He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by
God...
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm
not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell.
After all, you enormously helped society by putting
a computer in almost every home in the world and yet
you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do
something I've never done before. In your case, I'm
going to let you decide where you want to go!"
Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the
difference between the two?"
God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places
briefly if it will help you make a decision." "Fine,
but where should I go first?" God said, "I'm going
to leave that up to you." Bill said, "OK, then,
let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell.
It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear
waters. There were thousands of beautiful women
running around, playing in the water, laughing and
frolicking about. The sun was shining and the
temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased.
"This is great!" he told God, "If this is Hell, I
REALLY want to see Heaven!" "Fine," said God and off
they went.
Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels
drifting about playing harps and singing. It was
nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a
quick minute and rendered his decision. "Hmm, I
think I prefer Hell" he told God. "Fine," retorted
God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late
billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When
God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a
wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark
cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.
"How's everything going, Bill?" God asked.
Bill responded - his voice full of anguish and
disappointment, "This is awful, this is not what I
expected. I can't believe this happened. What
happened to that other place with the beaches and
the beautiful women playing in the water?"
God says, "That was the screen saver".
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