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1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until
the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better
get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in
a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre,
Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay
form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with
numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral
symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at
the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read
questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself
out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure
you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about
what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five
minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I
don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every
lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who
the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play
with the volume at max level.
9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new,
interesting way to refuse to answer every question.
For example: I refuse to answer this question on the
grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs.
Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about
frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the
instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave
the country" and run off.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up
all the papers into very small pieces, throw them
into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If
you're really daring, ask for another copy of the
exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this
process every fifteen minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent
markers.
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe,
a towel on your head, and nothing else.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome
during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you
don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams,
try using Roman numerals.
17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when
s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest
to you.
18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam,
eat it.
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you
are going to be taping your next video during the
exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be
persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a
percentage of the profits if they are allowed to
stay.
20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your
things, move to another seat, continue with the
exam.
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into
it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it
was.
22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice
and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam,
spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all
questions and answers completely blacked out.
24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your
papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and
walk out triumphantly.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e.
Threaten the instructor that whether or not
everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour
to go drink)
26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk
means at some point during the exam, you should
start crying for mommy).
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the
instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very
derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above
my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a
clapper. DUH!"
28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking
that day.
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After
about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start
yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until
they drag you away.
30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue
about, where you know the class is very small, and
the instructor would recognize you if you belonged.
Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for
your right to take the exam.
31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while
laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to
waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is
on!!!"
32. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme
to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for
you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one
way or another, begin whistling the theme to the
Bridge on the River Kwai.
34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the
longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi
and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is
a written exam, relate everything to your own life
story.
36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete
with sword and shield.
37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the
entire way through the exam. Insist this person is
needed, because you have bad circulation.
38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure
this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus
exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're
getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam,
with the comment "Please use the attached notes for
references as you see fit."
39. When you walk in, complain about the heat.
Strip.
40. After you get the exam, call the instructor
over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try
to work it out of him/her.
41. One word: Wrestlemania.
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing
them around like they do before concerts start.
43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of
the room.
45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it
right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a
small sacrifice.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons,
telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes
throughout the exam.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around
you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
48. Complete the exam with everything you write
being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play
various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it
helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student
Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to
find the section on musical instruments during
finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you
so".
50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why
Professor xxxx Sucks" |
