Classroom Jokes (Teachers Vs Students)

Teacher: If "can't" is short for "cannot," what is "don't" short for?
Student: Doughnut.

Teacher: Are you good in math?
Student: Yes and no.
Teacher: What does that mean?
Student: Yes, I'm no good in math.

Student: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not!
Student: Good, because I didn't do my homework.

Teacher: Hari, go to the map and find North America.
Hari: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Class: Hari!

Teacher : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,

but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

Student : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"

Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Student: Big hands!

Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
Vincent: One dollar.
Teacher(sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
Vincent(sadly): You don't know my father.

Teacher: Meena, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Meena: I is...
Teacher: No, Meena. Always say, "I am."
Meena: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Student: Don't bite any.

Teacher: Why are you late?
Webster: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Webster: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

Teacher: Didn't you promise to behave?
Student: Yes, Sir.
Teacher: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
Student: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you to keep yours.

Substitute Teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Billy: No, I'm Billy Anderson.

Teacher: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
Father: What's that?
Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

A high school English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.

A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the Teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says "Not an excuse. Just write with your other hand."

Teacher : What is the chemical formula for water?

Student : "HIJKLMNO! "!!

Teacher : What are you talking about?

Student : Yesterday you said it's H to O !

Teacher : Sandeep, how do you spell "crocodile"?

Sandeep : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

Teacher : No, that's wrong

Sandeep: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

Teacher : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"

Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."